with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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