I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
