I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
