Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize