I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
