I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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