moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize