I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
