Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
