Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
