Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
