bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
