Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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