so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ketchup is God's man juice
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
