when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
