$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
