no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Randomize
