My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Randomize
