She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
