Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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