she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
