Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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