The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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