So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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