I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
