While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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