I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize