once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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