whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
