In the future we'll all be gay
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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