the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad