Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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