and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me