Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
