I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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