She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
