I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
