R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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