how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
