You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
