Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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