She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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