do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
