just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
