just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
