my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
