She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
