My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
