I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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