I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
