please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
