Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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