so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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