i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
