Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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