Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
