I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
