what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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