i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
