someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so let's talk penis.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
