It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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