dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
