i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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