I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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