i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
