Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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