i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.