sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........