1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?