i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.