On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
