3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it hurts more in the daytime
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
