I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
