I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
