i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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