You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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