I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
